It’s been a whirlwind these last few months. I feel as though my life is re-circulating back to a place it was before, yet in a very new way. There are many changes, and I wanted to share them all with you. My most exciting news, is that Mike and I are expecting baby #2. I’m overjoyed, and ready for all stages in the journey. From bump to bigger bump, to birth, to actual baby. I’m ready for it all.
Pregnancy #2 is so different than my first. But similar, also. I mean, most days, I’m still sick as nasty ever, and I still keep lemons in my purses and all rooms of the house so I can sniff or lick them whenever I want, but there are many differences as well.
I’m starting this pregnancy at a much lower weight than my first, thank goodness, oh my gosh. That’s my pat on the back moment. I think we can all agree that it really sucks when you accidently gain like 25 pounds BEFORE pregnancy. It took two years after having Ari to get back to my happy weight. My stomach wont ever look the same, but I don’t really care because my friend, Victorias Secret, has one-pieces to help with that. I hope to keep weight lifting, doing cardio, and eating well during the entire pregnancy. Except some days when I binge eat like fifty pink frosted Krispy Kreme donuts. Baby’s orders.
The other big difference with this pregnancy, is that I’m totally dealing with the daily battle of trying to throw up while chasing around a two year old, who isn’t quite making the connection that mommy is sick. Kind of though. He does this weird (and probably very normal) thing of mimicking me when I throw up, but like, please stop. Such a change from being able to come home from work and sleep my sickness away like last time.
Ari does say really sweet things though, like “Mommy OKay?” and “Mommy sick?”. Melts my heart. I can’t wait for him to be a big brother. Good news it that my sickness is quickly winding down, and becoming much more maintainable. Also, I’m not complaining, Im just sharing. I’m obviously very thankful to be sick and pregnant. Plus it’s not even that serious, I’m sure other pregnant ladies have it much worse than me. Again, I’m just sharing.
Before knowing the gender of Ari, I wanted a girl. Because I’m a girl. I know girl life. I have a sister, and I’m just really connected with the whole girl thing. After having Ari, I totally fell in love with boy life. I love his car sounds and obsessive interest in dinosaurs, and the way he just so naturally laughs when he farts. So, now that the idea of a boy or girl is as equally appealing to me, I don’t even care. Like literally not one ounce of me has a preference one way or the other.
Some days I think a boy would be nice, because I like siblings of the same sex, again, because that’s all I know. I also like how I have boy clothes and toys already available (Oh wait, did that offend someone? My bad for gender grouping items. Or whatever.) Other days, a girl sounds nice, like when I’m roaming around Target looking at the pink frilly baby dresses. A girl would also be nice for nursery purposes. I found some really great shades (well technically it’s a “tint” because they are all very white-ish pink) of pink wall paint that would go perfectly with the fabric I purchased.
Then other days, I literally laugh out loud at the idea that I would even waste my time picking out the gender of my unborn child, as if it isn’t already decided. I’ll love him or her all the same. The main thing here, is that I need to find out ASAP, because I have a nursery to design, people! We have names for both genders, so like, I need to know already so I can address them by their name. Is that weird? I feel like half the people name their baby before birth, and the other half wait until after. A percentage totally made up by me.
And yes, back to a few paragraphs ago. I already purchased fabric for a few nursery items, before knowing the gender. In fact, it had barely even been like a week that I had known of my pregnancy before ordering it. What a psycho. Anyways.
The last really big difference with this pregnancy, is that I’m kind of vegetarian now, until I decide otherwise. Could be next week, who knows. Tomorrow maybe? Meat is repulsive and I can’t even go into Kroger without getting sick, because I know that they sell meat, and I can feel it in the air. Lauren the drama queen, am I right? She’s so dramatic and annoying. Fish is great though, so I guess technically I’m pesco-vegetarian (again, just for now probably). What ever. I’m really curious to hear if other people had this happen to them, I’m pretty sure it’s a fairly normal for some pregnant woman. Like, I Googled it, and it was high on the list of common aversions. Also, there are underlying issues that I developed prior to my pregnancy this particular time, like, um, videos and new knowledge of massive and inhumane farming issues in America, and so on. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have watched, or read a million essays, but I did, and now I know the truth. Stop yelling at me.
This totally happened my last pregnancy, but I would always give meat the benefit of the doubt, and try it. Then get sick. And upset. I don’t exactly know the reason behind this strange thing, I just know that I’m eating a lot of vegetables and nuts and of course donuts, and school pizza.
Yes, school pizza. Because..
I’m back in a school every day. This is my other big “new” thing, thats also bringing around old ways. I’ve returned to teaching as an Elementary school Arts & Humanities teacher. Who knew. Here’s the thing, I was REALLY unhappy with my life while working as a middle school graphic design teacher. Student behavior at large was a huge daily battle leaving me mentally and physically exhausted, all while trying to teach content that I was not passionate about. I was also a brand new mom, distracted by big ideas for myself. I wanted more each day for myself than what was in front of me. So I left.
Please know that even students who are disrespectful, still need love, and still need a teacher. I’m not blaming them (although I’m certaintly not making excuses for their behavior), it’s really me that couldn’t handle it. They need and deserve respect just as much as the next student, and with great direction and maintance, they could go on to do wonderful things. I actually love them all very much and think of them often, but I just couldn’t be that person or teacher that they needed. Because I’m selfish, and I chose myself over others, and really thankful that I did. It’s weirdly sad and empowering all at the same time.
I took a whole school year off teaching, and honestly thought I would never return. It’s so complicated. I had the greatest hopes of taking my business to great heights, but things just didn’t pan out that way. I do feel kind of awful about that, because I’m such a people pusher for following dreams, but my dreams weren’t being met in this case. Now, they can be.
In my mind, I was hoping to be able to quit my job and somehow support a portion of my family with really creative high end design jobs, writing articles for various blogs and magazines, teaching local childrens art classes, and art directing random events or projects for random companies. These are the things I loved, so it was all worth the risk of quitting my real job as a middle school graphic design teacher. Oh, and all that while also being able to spend two days at home with Ari as a part time stay at home mom.
Those goals were really BIG, I know. Because I’m basically saying that my “dreams” include lots of money, super creative projects, and then time at home with my babies completely unplugged from the world. Like, what?
The reality, is that some of those things were able to happen, and some were not. The good news, is that with balance, I am able to have pieces of all of those things.
Problems of working on my business as my main source of work included financial insecurity, confused daily routine, working on SOME jobs that didn’t value my creativity but that I chose to commit to just for SOME small amount of money (and fyi don’t worry, those people are 1000% not reading my blog), spreading myself thin, and not being the very best mom I could be due to a distracted mind on days I was home with my son. Like, in summary. Because let’s be honest, I could talk for days about the complexities of trying to run a business AND be a part time stay at home mom AND not having some sort of “passive” income such as a book (which I totally have in the works..in my head), a shop, or a print that I sell. It just wasn’t working.
Now that I am back to teaching again, I can use my creative energies on projects that are truly fulfilling, with clients that are wonderful and amazing.
I can use my “I love teaching” energies on my students. We learn “sophisticated” coloring techniques, sing songs, read books and laugh so hard, have circle time,learn structure and routine, share our feelings, and talk about the trials and tribulations of being a seven year old. Right up my ally. I can use my “creative and obsessive” energies on select projects, and my “mommy mom” energy on being a completely present and focused mom all moments I’m with the family.
I now have the freedom to turn down jobs, and that’s freeing. If a job isn’t in line with my schedule, budget, or creative goals, etc, I don’t have to do it. I’m excited to be able to work on projects that allow me to design, be creative, document, and photograph within set time frames. I’m excited to have more time to blog, and more energy to do things that make me super happy, opposed to saying yes to everything that brings any desperate amount of money. Because now with teaching, that stress is covered.
THAT people, feels good to know.
I’m not saying every single day is easy breezy perfect, because it’s totally not. Some days I have to really talk myself into getting up and going to work, and some days I convince myself that I should totally pass up school and head to the beach, or at least Lexington to visit my sister. But day by day I’m readjusting to this new thing, and day by day I feel my life becoming more balanced. I’m really looking forward to this adventure ahead.
All Photographs were taken by Louisville based photographer, Sarah Hester.
(Which by the way, was my amazing wedding photographer!)
Follow Lauren Along @DahlHouseInteriors